Desire

Trying desperately to remember the first impression.

When did I fall for him? All of a sudden without any forewarning?

I stare at him. Even when he notices.

I look him straight in the eyes. It's like a game with no words: Who turns away first? Usually I'm the winner.

I feel as if he would see right into my soul. Strangely I don't feel wounded. No, not at all. It does me good.

And then - surprisingly - God answers my prayers.

Him and me alone in a room. His whole attention up on me and mine on him. Pure intimacy as I didn't know it.

All I notice is his voice.

And again I catch myself staring at him.

Eye contact. Now and then he looks away.

His hand on my shoulder. Words coming out of his mouth. I keep looking.

Frozen.

He pauses for a moment, his eyes now resting on my lips. What is he waiting for? Should I say something?

I try to concentrate. What was he just talking about? I've lost track...

I sit opposite of him.

Minutes turn into eternity.

His face is so close that I can even feel his breath. I back off a bit.

Out of the corner of my eye I can see his hand on my shoulder. A warm feeling, but almost unbearable.

His eyes now seem to be drilling through me.

I get up and so does he.

His hand on my upper arm. Holding on tight.

Enough now!

Our eyes meet again.

Head-shaking.

I break loose from him. Walk down the hallway.

I hear him calling out for me.

I grab the doorhandle. Then I glance back at him for one last time.

Just seconds ago we were so close to each other and now he's just a vague silhouette at the other end of the room.

How gorgeous he looked in his black shirt and his blue-jeans.

But I managed to break away. I am stronger!

Outside it's almost dark. I can feel a cool breeze on my skin.

My strides become faster. And while I'm running away, I feel the pain of unendurable desire in my chest.

And I have to realize: It's too late. I've already fallen for him...

Football

I always loved being in football stadiums. No matter what team played. It's about the great atmosphere. You don't get that anywhere else. In a football stadium I feel strong and comfortable. A beer in one hand, greeting familiar faces with the other. Clapping and shouting as if my parents had never taught me any good behaviour at all. In football stadiums I feel at home. To me they are like my old sofa where I can put my feet up and relax.

And then there is the FCSG (FC St. Gallen). Only a few years ago I would have rather burnt in hell than missing a match of my most beloved football team. When I used to work in Ireland I even flew from Dublin to Switzerland just to see the FCSG lads play. Back here I'm living barely 15km away from the stadium. And yet I decided not to spend yesterday afternoon in there. I was afraid I'd miss out on a delicious dinner. I had never hoped for that day to come so soon.....but it was suddenly here: I prefered food to a football match!

I mean, how sad is that?

I wish I could name the feeling that had overcome me yesterday. It was some kind of a total laziness... Or sluggishness. A friend of mine suggested to take me to a mental institution until I would be given the all-clear. ;o) But there was no need for that.

When I woke up this morning, it was here again. The urge, the inner desire to pilgrim to the stadium. And I realized I can't wait for saturday when the FC St. Gallen is playing against the FC Zurich. FUSSBALL ÜBER ALLES! :-))

Feli withouth football would never work! And thank God for that :-)