Desire

Trying desperately to remember the first impression.

When did I fall for him? All of a sudden without any forewarning?

I stare at him. Even when he notices.

I look him straight in the eyes. It's like a game with no words: Who turns away first? Usually I'm the winner.

I feel as if he would see right into my soul. Strangely I don't feel wounded. No, not at all. It does me good.

And then - surprisingly - God answers my prayers.

Him and me alone in a room. His whole attention up on me and mine on him. Pure intimacy as I didn't know it.

All I notice is his voice.

And again I catch myself staring at him.

Eye contact. Now and then he looks away.

His hand on my shoulder. Words coming out of his mouth. I keep looking.

Frozen.

He pauses for a moment, his eyes now resting on my lips. What is he waiting for? Should I say something?

I try to concentrate. What was he just talking about? I've lost track...

I sit opposite of him.

Minutes turn into eternity.

His face is so close that I can even feel his breath. I back off a bit.

Out of the corner of my eye I can see his hand on my shoulder. A warm feeling, but almost unbearable.

His eyes now seem to be drilling through me.

I get up and so does he.

His hand on my upper arm. Holding on tight.

Enough now!

Our eyes meet again.

Head-shaking.

I break loose from him. Walk down the hallway.

I hear him calling out for me.

I grab the doorhandle. Then I glance back at him for one last time.

Just seconds ago we were so close to each other and now he's just a vague silhouette at the other end of the room.

How gorgeous he looked in his black shirt and his blue-jeans.

But I managed to break away. I am stronger!

Outside it's almost dark. I can feel a cool breeze on my skin.

My strides become faster. And while I'm running away, I feel the pain of unendurable desire in my chest.

And I have to realize: It's too late. I've already fallen for him...

mi homenaje a Fuerteventura

There's nothing worse than leaving someone you still love.

I knew I was in love with this place on our earth when I felt free and relieved as soon as the plane I was on landed at this particular place.
And later on the bus journey I suddenly felt tears streaming down my face whilst looking out the window. I was crying because never before in my life I had seen so much beauty at once.
Nothing else seemed to matter as long as I was there. The pure happiness helped me forgetting all the evil in this world; it made me care-free. I wouldn't even have minded dying.
Being there made me strong, so that nothing or nobody could harm me. Except for the love an other human being felt for me.
Sadly that's what made me leave in the end. Some people just can't stand the thought of open their heart; let someone else want, need, love and trust them. It makes us go away. Even if the pain of parting is unbearable. And will - sooner or later - destroy us.