Reflection.

So I turned 23 last sunday.
I guess that makes the 22nd of august 1987 the day on which my poor Mum had to endure the pain that giving birth can cause. (Not that I would know what it feels like...)
If you ask me, it should be her celebrating that day and not me. I was just a new-born baby doing what babies do best: Nothing much at all. I was unable to think or move properly, so all I did was listening to my mother's screams and waiting until I came into this world. The credit should really go to my Mum.

I'm one of those people which find it hard to get older.
I sometimes feel like a big child that is unsure about its identity.

About 3 weeks ago I went to Europa Park (Germany's biggest adventure park) and I didn't like it any less than on my first visit when I was about 10 years old. I giggled with my friends, ate waffles, chips and ice cream and shivered with excitement when queuing for Europe's highest and fastest steel rollercoaster; the famous SilverStar. I wonder what the other people must have been thinking of me. They might saw a grown-up retard in me, who knows. But whatever, luckily for me they were probably all too busy with enjoying themselves.

It's been more or less 5 years since I did a runner. Yeah, it was actually in the middle of september 2005 when I quit my apprenticeship in the third year. I had just turned 18 and without thinking of any consequences I left everything behind and flew away to live with the one man I had so madly fallen in love with a couple of weeks earlier.

I'm not proud of all the disappointment I've cause back then and I'm aware that I hurt a lot of people: my family, my friends, my classmates at vocational school... I still feel guilty about my doings but I'm afraid I can't turn back the time.

Many people didn't understand why I had to do what I did. To them I was just a naive teenage girl that stupidly believed her summer holiday flirt really cared about her.
Now that I'm 5 years older (and I guess I can say 5 years wiser too) I'm confident that my runner was the best thing which could have happened to me.

Alejandro and myself might not be a couple anymore, but I know he was the love of my life. I knew it all along; even when I was only 18. I sometimes wish the age difference between the two of us would have been smaller. I dream of how it could feel like to have settled with him. But the chance to do so has long since passed me by.

I've changed in many ways during the last 5 years. But there are some certain things about me that hopefully will remain forever:

I'm still a big football fan and my heart beats for green-white.

And yes, I still enjoy having a little time for myself. To think about life and love. Funnily enough, being alone is something many people can't cope with. I'd like to remind them that being alone doesn't equal to being lonley. There's so much to learn about yourself you only discover in a moment of solitude; in times of peace and quiet. I wouldn't want to trade this feeling of pure comfort for anything in the world.

Sadly, I'm still without a degree. Other young people my age have their High School degree and are preparing for their final exams at college or university. The future doesn't look too bright for a young Swiss woman without a degree of any kind (I finished secondary school, but I guess it doesn't count...), so I've started a course for adults at the vocational school in St. Gallen and I really hope to recieve my degree (Eidg. Fähigkeitsausweis Kauffrau) in spring 2012. Busy times ahead, but I guess I will do fine. I have to; because this is my second chance to make something of my life and I better don't screw it up.

Something else I want to say is: Whatever you do in your life; in the end it's only the beautiful moments that count. It's well known that we just have this one precious life and we shouldn't waste any time regretting the mistakes we might have done in the past. Nobody's perfect.

I've lived on Fuerteventura, in Ireland and in Berlin. I met loads of great people who touched my heart. Most of these people I will probably never see again, because they have all moved on. But I worship every conversation I could share with them.

I've never earned a lot of money and I don't think I'll ever get rich. I'm just not the type. And I'm definitely not lucky enough to win the lottery one day. But so far, I've always managed to get by. As long as we are at ease with ourselves, we are invincible.

Of course I have my dreams, as most of us have them. Since many years it is my greatest wish to travel across South America. This continent with its breathtaking landscape and its open-hearted people has been fascinating me for quite some time now. But should I ever head off on this adventure, I will probably be gone for a very long time - if not forever. Until that day, I have to work hard and save some money. Or who knows if I might meet another lovely South American man who literally sweeps me off my feet and takes me with him. Yeah, that would be nice. :-)

For now, I focus on my next ground-hopping trip. I will fly to Cyprus in a couple of weeks and join thousands of AEL Limassol fans at Tsirion Stadium. I was told the atmosphere is magic in there... Let's hope it's true!