Another kind of Love.

"I've packed away the blue jersey and scarf now. They're at the bottom of the drawer hidden underneath the rest of the summer T-Shirts that barely saw the light of these past few months. We're getting quickly to that time of year when the nights are becoming darker earlier and you can feel the first bite of cold in the mornings.

The end of summer and the approach of autumn and winter is always tinged with sadness.
Nature dies off and hibernation sets in. For the fan it's a double-edged sword, a chance to reflect with sadness at the passing of another empty season and an opportunity to look with a lighter heart to the possibilities for next year. Do we live in false hopes or real expectations? A bit of both maybe, but only by dreaming can we be really free.

We're all still our younger selves as fans, putting our hopes and dreams in a team that gives us mainly heartache, pinning our faith on players who neither know us nor how much we care, standing on the Hill as the crowd sings, chants and cheers as the Dublin team in blue sweep the ball across Croke Park and put it over for another score, celebrating wildly with the thousands of others and getting swept up in the swell of fans, regrouping, and singing from the bottom of our lungs. On the Hill supporting the Dubs we are all little boys again, and for 70 minutes we live our dreams of youth once more.

That is why, as the season ends and I pack away my jersey and scarf, I wonder if maybe now is the time to leave the Hill -- and what it means and represents -- far behind me for ever. I'm 30 years of age and scrambling around for career dreams that have yet to be realised. Am I now holding on to something with the Dubs that I should have let go by now? I'm one of the last of the friends still clutching my Hill ticket on a sunday with glee, but maybe I should be growing up with those friends who have moved on.

By staying on the Hill, I wonder, am I delaying the onset of life's seriousness and problems? If I take my seat in the Hogan Stand and join the other fathers and husbands and accept the serious business of sitting and watching the Dubs in passive emotion, am I finally accepting that whatever life held out for me has long since passed me by too?

When the Championship next comes round I will be 31. I'll be settled into married life and have mortgages and bills increasing by the day. I've tried to pursue my dreams of writing and following what my heart tells me, and have come up short so far. Maybe that is why I stick to the Hill.

But closing the drawer on my Dubs jersey and scarf, I feels as if I need to stop clinging on and face up to what life throws my way from now on. As a man I face into an uncertain future, but as a fan I can face into hope and expectations for the coming year. Maybe I'm not quite ready yet to turn my back on the Hill and all that it stands for after all."