Desire

Trying desperately to remember the first impression.

When did I fall for him? All of a sudden without any forewarning?

I stare at him. Even when he notices.

I look him straight in the eyes. It's like a game with no words: Who turns away first? Usually I'm the winner.

I feel as if he would see right into my soul. Strangely I don't feel wounded. No, not at all. It does me good.

And then - surprisingly - God answers my prayers.

Him and me alone in a room. His whole attention up on me and mine on him. Pure intimacy as I didn't know it.

All I notice is his voice.

And again I catch myself staring at him.

Eye contact. Now and then he looks away.

His hand on my shoulder. Words coming out of his mouth. I keep looking.

Frozen.

He pauses for a moment, his eyes now resting on my lips. What is he waiting for? Should I say something?

I try to concentrate. What was he just talking about? I've lost track...

I sit opposite of him.

Minutes turn into eternity.

His face is so close that I can even feel his breath. I back off a bit.

Out of the corner of my eye I can see his hand on my shoulder. A warm feeling, but almost unbearable.

His eyes now seem to be drilling through me.

I get up and so does he.

His hand on my upper arm. Holding on tight.

Enough now!

Our eyes meet again.

Head-shaking.

I break loose from him. Walk down the hallway.

I hear him calling out for me.

I grab the doorhandle. Then I glance back at him for one last time.

Just seconds ago we were so close to each other and now he's just a vague silhouette at the other end of the room.

How gorgeous he looked in his black shirt and his blue-jeans.

But I managed to break away. I am stronger!

Outside it's almost dark. I can feel a cool breeze on my skin.

My strides become faster. And while I'm running away, I feel the pain of unendurable desire in my chest.

And I have to realize: It's too late. I've already fallen for him...

And we will go crazy if we don't go crazy tonight!

THE FUTURE NEEDS A BIG KISS.
The Irish rock band U2 are in Switzerland at the moment and played their 360° concert in Zurich last night. Tickets for this show were sold out within less than 1 hour, so that a second gig was organized for tonight.

I've already been at one of the 360° concerts in Dublin in july 2009 and didn't bother to buy tickets for U2's performance in my home country.

Last wednesday - only 4 days before the action took place - I heard from a friend that someone he works with has got 2 tickets for saturday night's gig. Unfortunately they wouldn't be able to attend and therefore had to sell the tickets. Lucky me! :-) I made my mind up quickly and bought the tickets. "Anything but a waste of money!", that's for sure. The concert last night was smashing!!!

Here are a couple of pictures I took during the shows in Croke Park (Dublin) and Letzigrund Stadion (Zurich):

ZURICH, 11.09.2010

DUBLIN, 27.07.2009

"Performing live for me is significantly better than anything else you will experience in your life. Something you forget about when you're in between tours because you're trying hard to be normal and get back into family life. And then it comes round and you kind of eye it up from across the room and you think, 'I wonder what it's going to be like this time'. And then you jump on it and it's just so much better than you can possibly imagine. It's an amazing gift. But that's too small a word to describe it. It's an extraordinary experience to be allowed to run away for six to eight months with your mates and travel the world and meet people. It's fantastic. During the show you're interacting not just with a crowd of 80'000 people, but with the individuals in that crowd. I recognise people, I see what's going on. You get little things back from people. People can see the whites of your eyes, see how you're doing your stuff. In the digital world anything can be copied and reproduced, but the beatuy of playing live for your audience is that it cannot be digitised or repeated. You have to be there. Human beings like a sense of community, they like mass gatherings and experiencing shared emotional journeys. That's been part of our culture and species for a long time and it's part of what we tap into when we interact with our audience."
-Adam Clayton-

rough times

A football club can break so many hearts... I never knew what it feels like.

It is a fans unconditional love though, that makes him forgive. Over and over again.

The future might not be looking to good; but faith can guide you out of the dark.

So don't stop BELIEVING!

Reflection.

So I turned 23 last sunday.
I guess that makes the 22nd of august 1987 the day on which my poor Mum had to endure the pain that giving birth can cause. (Not that I would know what it feels like...)
If you ask me, it should be her celebrating that day and not me. I was just a new-born baby doing what babies do best: Nothing much at all. I was unable to think or move properly, so all I did was listening to my mother's screams and waiting until I came into this world. The credit should really go to my Mum.

I'm one of those people which find it hard to get older.
I sometimes feel like a big child that is unsure about its identity.

About 3 weeks ago I went to Europa Park (Germany's biggest adventure park) and I didn't like it any less than on my first visit when I was about 10 years old. I giggled with my friends, ate waffles, chips and ice cream and shivered with excitement when queuing for Europe's highest and fastest steel rollercoaster; the famous SilverStar. I wonder what the other people must have been thinking of me. They might saw a grown-up retard in me, who knows. But whatever, luckily for me they were probably all too busy with enjoying themselves.

It's been more or less 5 years since I did a runner. Yeah, it was actually in the middle of september 2005 when I quit my apprenticeship in the third year. I had just turned 18 and without thinking of any consequences I left everything behind and flew away to live with the one man I had so madly fallen in love with a couple of weeks earlier.

I'm not proud of all the disappointment I've cause back then and I'm aware that I hurt a lot of people: my family, my friends, my classmates at vocational school... I still feel guilty about my doings but I'm afraid I can't turn back the time.

Many people didn't understand why I had to do what I did. To them I was just a naive teenage girl that stupidly believed her summer holiday flirt really cared about her.
Now that I'm 5 years older (and I guess I can say 5 years wiser too) I'm confident that my runner was the best thing which could have happened to me.

Alejandro and myself might not be a couple anymore, but I know he was the love of my life. I knew it all along; even when I was only 18. I sometimes wish the age difference between the two of us would have been smaller. I dream of how it could feel like to have settled with him. But the chance to do so has long since passed me by.

I've changed in many ways during the last 5 years. But there are some certain things about me that hopefully will remain forever:

I'm still a big football fan and my heart beats for green-white.

And yes, I still enjoy having a little time for myself. To think about life and love. Funnily enough, being alone is something many people can't cope with. I'd like to remind them that being alone doesn't equal to being lonley. There's so much to learn about yourself you only discover in a moment of solitude; in times of peace and quiet. I wouldn't want to trade this feeling of pure comfort for anything in the world.

Sadly, I'm still without a degree. Other young people my age have their High School degree and are preparing for their final exams at college or university. The future doesn't look too bright for a young Swiss woman without a degree of any kind (I finished secondary school, but I guess it doesn't count...), so I've started a course for adults at the vocational school in St. Gallen and I really hope to recieve my degree (Eidg. Fähigkeitsausweis Kauffrau) in spring 2012. Busy times ahead, but I guess I will do fine. I have to; because this is my second chance to make something of my life and I better don't screw it up.

Something else I want to say is: Whatever you do in your life; in the end it's only the beautiful moments that count. It's well known that we just have this one precious life and we shouldn't waste any time regretting the mistakes we might have done in the past. Nobody's perfect.

I've lived on Fuerteventura, in Ireland and in Berlin. I met loads of great people who touched my heart. Most of these people I will probably never see again, because they have all moved on. But I worship every conversation I could share with them.

I've never earned a lot of money and I don't think I'll ever get rich. I'm just not the type. And I'm definitely not lucky enough to win the lottery one day. But so far, I've always managed to get by. As long as we are at ease with ourselves, we are invincible.

Of course I have my dreams, as most of us have them. Since many years it is my greatest wish to travel across South America. This continent with its breathtaking landscape and its open-hearted people has been fascinating me for quite some time now. But should I ever head off on this adventure, I will probably be gone for a very long time - if not forever. Until that day, I have to work hard and save some money. Or who knows if I might meet another lovely South American man who literally sweeps me off my feet and takes me with him. Yeah, that would be nice. :-)

For now, I focus on my next ground-hopping trip. I will fly to Cyprus in a couple of weeks and join thousands of AEL Limassol fans at Tsirion Stadium. I was told the atmosphere is magic in there... Let's hope it's true!

SG Fest 2010

Get ready to get wasted!







a drunken night out.....

Thought of the Day

I'm not sure I'm capable of leaving behind a personal message.

But if I did, I hope it would be that it is okay to be different from the crowd.

In fact, it even is really good to be different from the crowd.

And we should really question ourselves before we pass judgement on someone who is different from us.

the sun rising over Eggersriet on monday, august 9th around 6:30 a.m.

united in Austria :-)

7. August 2010
As the portuguese footballer Zé Vitor had to leave St. Gallen's football club in spring, he decided to take on an offer from Cyprus and signed a contract with 'AEL Limassol'.
AEL Limassol spent the first two august weeks in Austria to prepare for the new season which will kick off at the end of the month. What a coincidence! :-))
So we decided spontaneously to head off on a road trip to Salzburg. It was a 5-hour journey and after we had lunch, we hopped back into my friend's little blue Fiat Punto and drove another hour to get to a small village called Bad Wimsbach.
The only reason making it worthwile to pay Bad Wimsbach a visit was the friendly game between the two football clubs AEL Limassol and Hertha BSC (from Berlin). AEL's president and vice-president were delighted to meet two girls who travelled all the way from Switzerland to support their team and so we had to pose for a couple of photographs. :-D But hey, I'd rather be famous in Cyprus than not being famous at all! =P
It was a great weekend! We got the chance to have a proper chat with Zé Vitor. He signed the football jerseys we had brought with us and in exchange we gave him an "Espenblock" scarf and some Swiss chocolate. He promised to get us free tickets for a match in Tsirion Stadium (AEL's home ground) if we travel to Limassol.
CYPRUS, YOU BETTER BE PREPARED! Because we will attend the game between AEL Limassol and Omonia Nikosia on october 23rd. I can't wait! :-)
(By the way: Zé used to wear shirt number 8 when he played for St. Gallen and I'm happy for him that he got the same number on the back of his yellow AEL jersey.)

Damien Rice ~ 9 Crimes

Debbie's 25th birthday (22.07.2010)

Swiss Alps (19.07.2010)

Being at ease...

I'm walking.

As soon as my feet get itchy, I feel the urge to put on my shoes and leave the roof over my head behind.

I walk for hours. Always hoping not to run across anyone I might know.

Because when I walk, I appreciate the solitude.

I'm walking. Again.

My legs move fast; they are strong. I'm thankful for that, because they carry me wherever I want to go.

I walk for days. Breathing in the fresh air and feeling how the gentle wind brushes against my cheeks.

When I walk, I'm down to earth.

I'm walking. Restless.

My bones never become tired. Energy is literally flowing through my body.

I walk forever. From time to time I stop, stand still and close my eyes... Free from all worries.

Because out there is where God exists.

And suddenly I realize: I'm alive.

FCSG coach Uli Forte :-)

All these unsaid words

Far away. Far away from home.
No sadness. Not even a little bit.
It feels good to be in such a strange place.
In a big city. Where nobody knows me.
Anonymity.
I leave my apartment before sunrise.
And only get back after the sun has set.
Winter. A depressive season.
But I feel as usual.
It will be christmas soon.
I sometimes miss the snow. And my family.
Be tough. Never complain.
I like to be alone. All by myself.
There's no explanation.
From time to time I meet people just like me.
People that appreciate the silence. People that don't speak too often.
We're keeping to ourselves.
Love. Are there words to describe this feeling? Not really.
I love quietly; but often. Actually, all the time.
It's hard for me to express my love though.

And so I turn away again.
Stay on my own and hope that one day I will find the courage to confess.
And that it is not too late by then.

Dedicated to everybody out there who has ever truly loved someone. There are only few; but you are the world's last hope.

(Berlin, december 2009)

"What humbugs we are, who pretend to live for Beauty, and never see the Dawn!"

-Logan Pearsall Smith-

PAST & FUTURE

1910 ~ 2008

..... then and now .....

2008 ~ ????