Reflection.

So I turned 23 last sunday.
I guess that makes the 22nd of august 1987 the day on which my poor Mum had to endure the pain that giving birth can cause. (Not that I would know what it feels like...)
If you ask me, it should be her celebrating that day and not me. I was just a new-born baby doing what babies do best: Nothing much at all. I was unable to think or move properly, so all I did was listening to my mother's screams and waiting until I came into this world. The credit should really go to my Mum.

I'm one of those people which find it hard to get older.
I sometimes feel like a big child that is unsure about its identity.

About 3 weeks ago I went to Europa Park (Germany's biggest adventure park) and I didn't like it any less than on my first visit when I was about 10 years old. I giggled with my friends, ate waffles, chips and ice cream and shivered with excitement when queuing for Europe's highest and fastest steel rollercoaster; the famous SilverStar. I wonder what the other people must have been thinking of me. They might saw a grown-up retard in me, who knows. But whatever, luckily for me they were probably all too busy with enjoying themselves.

It's been more or less 5 years since I did a runner. Yeah, it was actually in the middle of september 2005 when I quit my apprenticeship in the third year. I had just turned 18 and without thinking of any consequences I left everything behind and flew away to live with the one man I had so madly fallen in love with a couple of weeks earlier.

I'm not proud of all the disappointment I've cause back then and I'm aware that I hurt a lot of people: my family, my friends, my classmates at vocational school... I still feel guilty about my doings but I'm afraid I can't turn back the time.

Many people didn't understand why I had to do what I did. To them I was just a naive teenage girl that stupidly believed her summer holiday flirt really cared about her.
Now that I'm 5 years older (and I guess I can say 5 years wiser too) I'm confident that my runner was the best thing which could have happened to me.

Alejandro and myself might not be a couple anymore, but I know he was the love of my life. I knew it all along; even when I was only 18. I sometimes wish the age difference between the two of us would have been smaller. I dream of how it could feel like to have settled with him. But the chance to do so has long since passed me by.

I've changed in many ways during the last 5 years. But there are some certain things about me that hopefully will remain forever:

I'm still a big football fan and my heart beats for green-white.

And yes, I still enjoy having a little time for myself. To think about life and love. Funnily enough, being alone is something many people can't cope with. I'd like to remind them that being alone doesn't equal to being lonley. There's so much to learn about yourself you only discover in a moment of solitude; in times of peace and quiet. I wouldn't want to trade this feeling of pure comfort for anything in the world.

Sadly, I'm still without a degree. Other young people my age have their High School degree and are preparing for their final exams at college or university. The future doesn't look too bright for a young Swiss woman without a degree of any kind (I finished secondary school, but I guess it doesn't count...), so I've started a course for adults at the vocational school in St. Gallen and I really hope to recieve my degree (Eidg. Fähigkeitsausweis Kauffrau) in spring 2012. Busy times ahead, but I guess I will do fine. I have to; because this is my second chance to make something of my life and I better don't screw it up.

Something else I want to say is: Whatever you do in your life; in the end it's only the beautiful moments that count. It's well known that we just have this one precious life and we shouldn't waste any time regretting the mistakes we might have done in the past. Nobody's perfect.

I've lived on Fuerteventura, in Ireland and in Berlin. I met loads of great people who touched my heart. Most of these people I will probably never see again, because they have all moved on. But I worship every conversation I could share with them.

I've never earned a lot of money and I don't think I'll ever get rich. I'm just not the type. And I'm definitely not lucky enough to win the lottery one day. But so far, I've always managed to get by. As long as we are at ease with ourselves, we are invincible.

Of course I have my dreams, as most of us have them. Since many years it is my greatest wish to travel across South America. This continent with its breathtaking landscape and its open-hearted people has been fascinating me for quite some time now. But should I ever head off on this adventure, I will probably be gone for a very long time - if not forever. Until that day, I have to work hard and save some money. Or who knows if I might meet another lovely South American man who literally sweeps me off my feet and takes me with him. Yeah, that would be nice. :-)

For now, I focus on my next ground-hopping trip. I will fly to Cyprus in a couple of weeks and join thousands of AEL Limassol fans at Tsirion Stadium. I was told the atmosphere is magic in there... Let's hope it's true!

SG Fest 2010

Get ready to get wasted!







a drunken night out.....

Thought of the Day

I'm not sure I'm capable of leaving behind a personal message.

But if I did, I hope it would be that it is okay to be different from the crowd.

In fact, it even is really good to be different from the crowd.

And we should really question ourselves before we pass judgement on someone who is different from us.

the sun rising over Eggersriet on monday, august 9th around 6:30 a.m.

united in Austria :-)

7. August 2010
As the portuguese footballer Zé Vitor had to leave St. Gallen's football club in spring, he decided to take on an offer from Cyprus and signed a contract with 'AEL Limassol'.
AEL Limassol spent the first two august weeks in Austria to prepare for the new season which will kick off at the end of the month. What a coincidence! :-))
So we decided spontaneously to head off on a road trip to Salzburg. It was a 5-hour journey and after we had lunch, we hopped back into my friend's little blue Fiat Punto and drove another hour to get to a small village called Bad Wimsbach.
The only reason making it worthwile to pay Bad Wimsbach a visit was the friendly game between the two football clubs AEL Limassol and Hertha BSC (from Berlin). AEL's president and vice-president were delighted to meet two girls who travelled all the way from Switzerland to support their team and so we had to pose for a couple of photographs. :-D But hey, I'd rather be famous in Cyprus than not being famous at all! =P
It was a great weekend! We got the chance to have a proper chat with Zé Vitor. He signed the football jerseys we had brought with us and in exchange we gave him an "Espenblock" scarf and some Swiss chocolate. He promised to get us free tickets for a match in Tsirion Stadium (AEL's home ground) if we travel to Limassol.
CYPRUS, YOU BETTER BE PREPARED! Because we will attend the game between AEL Limassol and Omonia Nikosia on october 23rd. I can't wait! :-)
(By the way: Zé used to wear shirt number 8 when he played for St. Gallen and I'm happy for him that he got the same number on the back of his yellow AEL jersey.)

Damien Rice ~ 9 Crimes

Debbie's 25th birthday (22.07.2010)

Swiss Alps (19.07.2010)

Being at ease...

I'm walking.

As soon as my feet get itchy, I feel the urge to put on my shoes and leave the roof over my head behind.

I walk for hours. Always hoping not to run across anyone I might know.

Because when I walk, I appreciate the solitude.

I'm walking. Again.

My legs move fast; they are strong. I'm thankful for that, because they carry me wherever I want to go.

I walk for days. Breathing in the fresh air and feeling how the gentle wind brushes against my cheeks.

When I walk, I'm down to earth.

I'm walking. Restless.

My bones never become tired. Energy is literally flowing through my body.

I walk forever. From time to time I stop, stand still and close my eyes... Free from all worries.

Because out there is where God exists.

And suddenly I realize: I'm alive.

FCSG coach Uli Forte :-)

All these unsaid words

Far away. Far away from home.
No sadness. Not even a little bit.
It feels good to be in such a strange place.
In a big city. Where nobody knows me.
Anonymity.
I leave my apartment before sunrise.
And only get back after the sun has set.
Winter. A depressive season.
But I feel as usual.
It will be christmas soon.
I sometimes miss the snow. And my family.
Be tough. Never complain.
I like to be alone. All by myself.
There's no explanation.
From time to time I meet people just like me.
People that appreciate the silence. People that don't speak too often.
We're keeping to ourselves.
Love. Are there words to describe this feeling? Not really.
I love quietly; but often. Actually, all the time.
It's hard for me to express my love though.

And so I turn away again.
Stay on my own and hope that one day I will find the courage to confess.
And that it is not too late by then.

Dedicated to everybody out there who has ever truly loved someone. There are only few; but you are the world's last hope.

(Berlin, december 2009)

"What humbugs we are, who pretend to live for Beauty, and never see the Dawn!"

-Logan Pearsall Smith-

PAST & FUTURE

1910 ~ 2008

..... then and now .....

2008 ~ ????

Another kind of Love.

"I've packed away the blue jersey and scarf now. They're at the bottom of the drawer hidden underneath the rest of the summer T-Shirts that barely saw the light of these past few months. We're getting quickly to that time of year when the nights are becoming darker earlier and you can feel the first bite of cold in the mornings.

The end of summer and the approach of autumn and winter is always tinged with sadness.
Nature dies off and hibernation sets in. For the fan it's a double-edged sword, a chance to reflect with sadness at the passing of another empty season and an opportunity to look with a lighter heart to the possibilities for next year. Do we live in false hopes or real expectations? A bit of both maybe, but only by dreaming can we be really free.

We're all still our younger selves as fans, putting our hopes and dreams in a team that gives us mainly heartache, pinning our faith on players who neither know us nor how much we care, standing on the Hill as the crowd sings, chants and cheers as the Dublin team in blue sweep the ball across Croke Park and put it over for another score, celebrating wildly with the thousands of others and getting swept up in the swell of fans, regrouping, and singing from the bottom of our lungs. On the Hill supporting the Dubs we are all little boys again, and for 70 minutes we live our dreams of youth once more.

That is why, as the season ends and I pack away my jersey and scarf, I wonder if maybe now is the time to leave the Hill -- and what it means and represents -- far behind me for ever. I'm 30 years of age and scrambling around for career dreams that have yet to be realised. Am I now holding on to something with the Dubs that I should have let go by now? I'm one of the last of the friends still clutching my Hill ticket on a sunday with glee, but maybe I should be growing up with those friends who have moved on.

By staying on the Hill, I wonder, am I delaying the onset of life's seriousness and problems? If I take my seat in the Hogan Stand and join the other fathers and husbands and accept the serious business of sitting and watching the Dubs in passive emotion, am I finally accepting that whatever life held out for me has long since passed me by too?

When the Championship next comes round I will be 31. I'll be settled into married life and have mortgages and bills increasing by the day. I've tried to pursue my dreams of writing and following what my heart tells me, and have come up short so far. Maybe that is why I stick to the Hill.

But closing the drawer on my Dubs jersey and scarf, I feels as if I need to stop clinging on and face up to what life throws my way from now on. As a man I face into an uncertain future, but as a fan I can face into hope and expectations for the coming year. Maybe I'm not quite ready yet to turn my back on the Hill and all that it stands for after all."

Everything has changed.

Ich will Meer.....

Das Meer ist alles.

Es ist eine immense Wüste,

wo ein Mann nie alleine ist,

in dem er fühlen kann,

wie das Leben aller in ihm bebt.

Das Meer ist ein Behälter für all die ungeheuren,

übernatürlichen Dinge, die darin existieren:

Es ist nich nur Bewegung und Liebe,

es ist die lebende Unendlichkeit.

- Jules Verne -

So schliesst das Meer das Herz auf.
Der Härteste noch unterliegt seinem Bann.
Wie auch immer,
man wird wieder zum Menschen.

- Jules Michelet -